[it's so weird, talking to someone she never encountered but had something in common with. there's something about the fact that he knows about the Last Drop that just... kills her a little.]
you never do forget when you're one of us. it's written into our DNA.
[but she rolls her eyes at the next comment.]
like i said, whatever makes you sleep better at night. you'll figure out some way to repay me eventually.
Yes... and unfairly so, or so I heard. I cannot imagine.
[ he doesn't offer platitudes — anything he could say won't change what vi's already been through, won't make it any less horrible. all he can really say is the truth: that he can't even begin to understand just how terrible it must have been, and how much it has affected her. ]
Tell me, Vi, would Zaun have changed the way it did regardless of the change in Piltover? Or was it simply... forced to do so?
[ that is what silco thinks — and viktor can't quite decide what he believes in. was shimmer simply their only defense? the only way to gain what little power they could? had hextech pushed the undercity into what it had become, now? ]
[there's a long moment as she considers. she doesn't really want to go down the trauma that jail caused today -- she'll leave that for another time, things that she's still working through that keeps her awake at night.
but she's really got to think about the next question. and she switches this to a private conversation, because she's most certainly about to be breaking the ""truce"" that her and Silco were under. but it's mostly because Viktor asks than any real maliciousness.]
shimmer didn't just appear overnight. they'd been working on it for a while. it was getting experimented with and used when i was thrown into prison. did it get pushed forward because of topside? a little, yeah.
would it have changed so drastically? maybe not as quickly. Silco never would've rose to power if Vander hadn't died when he had. but i'm sure it would've happened regardless, because Zaun was getting tired of being the dirt under Piltover's boots.
[it still hurts so much to type the name Vander. to speak his name. there's so much guilt there, and she's so glad that she's not speaking to him one-on-one right now. he would've caught the way she caught herself, the way her eyes went glassy for just a second--]
[ it isn't quite a weight falling off his shoulders, reading all that — but perhaps some of the guilt he has assigned himself lessens, if only a little. perhaps, perhaps at least some of it... would have happened regardless.
but he certainly didn't help matters. ]
I see. So it would have circulated around in the Undercity, regardless. But I cannot imagine Hextech helped matters in that regard.
May I ask what happened to Vander? He was the "Hound of the Underground", no?
[ and because he can only guess at the relation there, ] I am sorry if this is bringing up unpleasant memories... but I would like to know.
maybe not. but i fought one of those shimmer monsters myself before hextech even became a real thing.
[... at the mention of Vander, she pauses. she doesn't want to answer, makes her kind of nauseated at the idea of it. but Viktor is one of them, so he deserves to know.
it takes her a while to send it, mostly because she has to figure out how to word it. there's so much grief and guilt from that situation still...]
he got caught in Silco's web. we couldn't get him out of it before... an accident happened.
he died saving my life.
[even now, she's protecting her sister... and maybe a little bit of Viktor, too. those strange gems had been the early prototypes for the hexgems, right? she hadn't known it when she'd seen the new one at home, but she'd been able to piece it together since.]
[ well, this puts a few things in perspective, for him. ]
It is not an easy legacy to carry. [ someone giving their life for you... and for that to be the hound of the underground, too. there is some quiet understanding in the words, there, but no pity, no condolences — once more, they won't help. those from the undercity have all lost so many people, and no manner of apologies or sympathies will bring them back. ]
[she's not really sure why she's asking Viktor this, someone she just met recently. maybe it's because he's a sympathetic but blunt mind, like hers. or simply because coming from the same place has already made her put a lot of trust in him that wouldn't necessarily be there if he was from Piltover.]
[ sometimes, it's easier to talk about difficult things with those who are more removed from the matter — who you're not so close to. he understands. ]
I believe everything worth doing comes with pain. Sometimes more, sometimes less. Do you stop simply because it all hurts too much to go on?
That, I would say, is what strength really is. When you keep going, no matter what. When you... don't step off the ledge, no matter how much easier it would be to fall.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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you never do forget when you're one of us. it's written into our DNA.
[but she rolls her eyes at the next comment.]
like i said, whatever makes you sleep better at night. you'll figure out some way to repay me eventually.
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Yes, I will. [ and that's a promise and a threat — ]
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so don't feel like you're the only one.
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[ he doesn't offer platitudes — anything he could say won't change what vi's already been through, won't make it any less horrible. all he can really say is the truth: that he can't even begin to understand just how terrible it must have been, and how much it has affected her. ]
Tell me, Vi, would Zaun have changed the way it did regardless of the change in Piltover? Or was it simply... forced to do so?
[ that is what silco thinks — and viktor can't quite decide what he believes in. was shimmer simply their only defense? the only way to gain what little power they could? had hextech pushed the undercity into what it had become, now? ]
private
but she's really got to think about the next question. and she switches this to a private conversation, because she's most certainly about to be breaking the ""truce"" that her and Silco were under. but it's mostly because Viktor asks than any real maliciousness.]
shimmer didn't just appear overnight. they'd been working on it for a while. it was getting experimented with and used when i was thrown into prison. did it get pushed forward because of topside? a little, yeah.
would it have changed so drastically? maybe not as quickly. Silco never would've rose to power if Vander hadn't died when he had. but i'm sure it would've happened regardless, because Zaun was getting tired of being the dirt under Piltover's boots.
[it still hurts so much to type the name Vander. to speak his name. there's so much guilt there, and she's so glad that she's not speaking to him one-on-one right now. he would've caught the way she caught herself, the way her eyes went glassy for just a second--]
private
but he certainly didn't help matters. ]
I see. So it would have circulated around in the Undercity, regardless. But I cannot imagine Hextech helped matters in that regard.
May I ask what happened to Vander? He was the "Hound of the Underground", no?
[ and because he can only guess at the relation there, ] I am sorry if this is bringing up unpleasant memories... but I would like to know.
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[... at the mention of Vander, she pauses. she doesn't want to answer, makes her kind of nauseated at the idea of it. but Viktor is one of them, so he deserves to know.
it takes her a while to send it, mostly because she has to figure out how to word it. there's so much grief and guilt from that situation still...]
he got caught in Silco's web. we couldn't get him out of it before... an accident happened.
he died saving my life.
[even now, she's protecting her sister... and maybe a little bit of Viktor, too. those strange gems had been the early prototypes for the hexgems, right? she hadn't known it when she'd seen the new one at home, but she'd been able to piece it together since.]
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[ well, this puts a few things in perspective, for him. ]
It is not an easy legacy to carry. [ someone giving their life for you... and for that to be the hound of the underground, too. there is some quiet understanding in the words, there, but no pity, no condolences — once more, they won't help. those from the undercity have all lost so many people, and no manner of apologies or sympathies will bring them back. ]
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[yeah, everything is So Much all the time.]
no shit. i'll never live up to that legacy. but... protecting the people i love is a start in the right direction.
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[ if they're speaking of a legacy — he suspects his own will be... barely there, soon forgotten. he is still trying to make his peace with that. ]
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what if it hurts too much to carry sometimes?
[she's not really sure why she's asking Viktor this, someone she just met recently. maybe it's because he's a sympathetic but blunt mind, like hers. or simply because coming from the same place has already made her put a lot of trust in him that wouldn't necessarily be there if he was from Piltover.]
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I believe everything worth doing comes with pain. Sometimes more, sometimes less. Do you stop simply because it all hurts too much to go on?
That, I would say, is what strength really is. When you keep going, no matter what. When you... don't step off the ledge, no matter how much easier it would be to fall.
where did this GO in my inbox man
[it's true. she never gives up, at least not completely.]
which, depends on who you are... is a blessing or a curse.
it hid under a blanket
[ it is more than that, of course... but it is a part of it. ]
Yes, I suppose you have a point.
it said enough angsty threads
anyway, just let me know if I can help fund whatever nerd project you need. like I said, I got way too much money that's just sitting around.
🎀